Category Archives: Goofed-up Bible (sarcasm)

Luke 444:1-3 Goofed-up Bible (Kowtowing to the poor)

Posted on April 4, 2013 by

The disciples insisted Jesus do something to feed the 5,000 people who were gathered.  Jesus said, “To feed the poor would be to kowtow to them.  What do you want me to do, enable them?  Send them away.  When they … Continue reading →

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Luke122:1-2 (Goofed-up Bible, Jesus Distributes Survey)

Posted on January 2, 2013 by

After a year of being on the road, Jesus distributed a survey to the disciples.  ”Take this survey.  Fill it out.  I want to know what you like and what you don’t like.”

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Luke 97:102-107 (Goofed-Up Bible – Jesus Feeds 20 of the 5,000)

Posted on December 20, 2012 by

Luke 97:102-107 Before Jesus and the disciples stood 5,000 people, specifically 5,000 hungry people.  As fate would have it, a little boy with some fish and bread was in the crowd.  Jesus said, “That’s a good start. Bring the fish … Continue reading →

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Goofed-Up Bible (Mark 24:23-29) Jesus and Disciples Deciding Who Is A True Follower

Posted on December 12, 2012 by

At the base of the mount from which the sermon was preached Peter and John sang two duets that rocked the crowd of 5,000.  While an offering was being collected, Andrew played the lyre as beautifully as one had ever … Continue reading →

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Goofed-up Bible (Mark 22:12-13)

Posted on November 28, 2012 by

Mark 22:12-13 (Goofed-up Bible) Jesus turned away those who were hungry and in need of healing.  When the last straggler had finally left Jesus sat down with the disciples and said, “For the next two months I want us to … Continue reading →

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Goofed-up Bible (John 32:13-19)

Posted on October 3, 2012 by

Jesus said unto them, “The kingdom of God is like this.  There was a man who was shunned. Rejection broke his heart and his spirit.  Having almost given up hope, the man came across another man who also had been … Continue reading →

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Goofed-up Bible (Mark 22:12-14)

Posted on September 25, 2012 by

“OK, guys.  I’ve established a boy’s club here.  You know how women mess things up.  Eve ate the apple and it’s been bad news for men hanging out with women ever since.  I will not be here with you much … Continue reading →

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Mark 100:44 (Analysis-Action, Goofed-up Bible)

Posted on August 27, 2012 by

Jesus commented, “Be long on analysis. I’d say be very long.  Just to give a ballpark figure,  for every minute of action let there be 100 times of analysis for that action.  There’s nothing better than a good meeting.  The … Continue reading →

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Mark 22:14 (Goofed-Up Bible) Don’t Let People Take Advantage Of The Church

Posted on August 2, 2012 by

Jesus said emphatically, “Don’t let anyone take advantage of the church.  If someone burns the church once, shame on them.  If someone burns the church twice, shame on the church.” (Mark 22:14, Goofed-up Bible)

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Luke 99:101 (Goofed-up Bible) Thou Shalt Be Solemn

Posted on July 27, 2012 by

With as serious of a look as Jesus had ever had on his face, Jesus said, “Thou shalt be solemn.  If the liturgy is messed up, the kingdom of God will never come.” (Luke 99:101)

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